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How To Deal With a Separation After Years of Marriage?

Couple-Therapy-After-Marriage-Separation

Are you finding it difficult to cope with the Separation?

Ending a long relationship is a tough challenge for both partners. You choose a person to spend your whole life with and you wonder why your spouse lost interest in the relationship. You really tried hard to avoid breakup but, all of your attempts to save your marriage went in vain. Now, here you are facing one of the most difficult times of your life. A Separation.

The Do's and the Don't

There is no rules of thumb or best choice when it comes to this. Each person is affected differently, and each marriage is different. Some people say there is no point to low your self-esteem and live in a miserable marital bond. If one of the partners decides to end it, respect the decision. Sometimes, letting a person go is not easy but it is indeed better in some ways. Separation might scare you at first. But sometimes, it is the only way to preserve your dignity. Other time, it is best to keep trying as long as both partners are willing. In this case, counseling for couple therapy is the best course of action. If you live in Burlington or the surrounding area, we highly recommend seeing Annie Banks. She is a very experienced counselor for couples. She is currently working at Pillars of Wellness, located in Burlington, Ontario.

Hope for the good after separation

Your year's long marriage has been ended. You are feeling down and dejected. You may be thinking that nothing can make you happy. That's not the true case. Assure yourself that you are facing a bad period. This period will come to an end after some time. Like it or not but you are the only person who has to manage post separation stress. This is the right time to explore a new world of interest. Think about the things you left to get married. You can enjoy your hobbies now. You have to find the unseen blessings of this tough time.

Acknowledge your feelings after the termination of your marriage

You are mentally unstable. You blame yourself for the wreckage in your marital life. You ask yourself “What did I do wrong in our relationship?". You may not find an answer. This frustrates you more. The whole situation confuses you about your future after separation. You lack the strength to face your kids. You cannot run off from reality. Accepting the new situation and more importantly, being able to talk about it to friends and family is a big step to acknowledge the separation.

Take time for the emotional recovery

Broken relationships make a person vulnerable to stress and anxiety. It is your right to take some time to rehabilitate. It is acceptable to spend some lazy days. You can tell people around you that you need some time to feel better. Please, do not be hard on yourself. You should keep reminding yourself that you will heal someday. The split-up from the person you love will make you a better person.

Value yourself

Sometimes, you will feel like a terrible person and cry over the past happenings. Your emotions will overflow. Remember this, one single relationship cannot determine your worth. You are not a terrible person because your partner left you. Ending a marital relationship is hard to deal because it makes us feel less worthy. Do not punish yourself over a broken marriage. This will not reverse what has happened.

Don't ignore your Emotional and Physical Needs

You are a human being and its fine to feel down. You should embrace your emotional weaklings. Do not indulge yourself in self-punishment. Doing harm to yourself will not bring your partner back. Your marital relationship with your spouse ended in the best of your interest. There is no point to feel shame if you didn't live up to your spouse's expectations.

Speak your Heart out with your loved ones

Your friends and family are your support line. No doubt, a split-up from your partner is painful and traumatic. But no one is bound to endure the whole pain. You can speak to your friends and family about how you feel. This will ease your stress. You can also seek professional help to calm your nerves. You must consider taking counseling and rehabilitation courses. This will heal the wounds of your broken heart.

Settle down disagreements with your former spouse in a peaceful way

Sometimes end to a marital bond brings sourness between the ex-partners. You should not hate your former spouse because he/she left you. Ending a marital relationship needs settlement of a lot of matters. If an argument heats up the situation, take a long breath and calm down. Postpone this discussion for a peaceful time. It is useless to fight over a dead horse.

Post-Separation stress management

Things can get hard if one of the partners decides to end the marriage. You should seek psychological help to get over your traumatic marital breakup. You can join community support programs. These programs help people suffering from the traumatic stress of marital breakups. You can also approach relationship advisors for counseling.

Think about personal growth and development

Marriage brings lots of responsibilities for both of the partners. Ending a marital bond releases you from relationship responsibilities to some extent. This is the best opportunity to seek for your personal growth. You can find some extra time to write your blog. Or you can complete the long-awaited incomplete painting. Is it right to spend your time in mourning over a dead marriage? When you can do so many good things for your future.

Get ready to move on

You spent a lovely time with your partner. That time has passed. You can move to a more enlightened part of your life. But this depends upon your wise choice. You have to value yourself. Assure yourself that you are moving on into a new phase of life for a good reason. A miserable relationship only results in agony and regret. It is better to move on.

Do not run into a new relationship until you heal

It is fine to need someone beside you. It is everyone's right to find a soulmate. No one is asking you to live alone. But do not rush into a new relationship. You need a good amount of time to accept separation. There's a fair chance of choosing the wrong person in emotional instability. Let your wounds heal. The unstable state of mind will make things more complex for your new relationship.

Spend time with your kids

Kids are the reflection of their parents. Remember the time, when you bring them home for the first time. You and your partner were happy. This is the time to re-live with kids. You are not suffering alone from traumatic separation. Your kids are also facing this trauma equally. Speak with them how you feel over this separation. This communication will comfort you and your kids.

Do not involve your children

You can spend as much time as you want with your kids. But, do not let the kids take part in matters related to the breakup with your spouse. You married your partner, it was your decision. On a similar note, your separation is also about you and your partner. You can share your feelings with the kids but do not let them take part in separation.

Every phase of life either good or bad passes away. Do not let the stress of a broken relationship take you down. Old broken things are replaced by better things. This is a cycle of nature. You should look at the optimistic side of your separation and it'll be easy for you to move ahead in your life.

Laurent Pinci
Laurent Pinci
Pillars of Wellness is a truly Integrated Healthcare Centre providing a high degree of collaboration and communication among health providers.